YGO Answering Machine Chaos II
by TheFemalePharaoh
Summary: THIS time...the YAMIS are recording greetings for all the callers to hear! OMG, those POOR hikaris and those poor souls who would DARE listening to these! As always, please read and review. SUGGESTIONS WELCOMED AS ALWAYS! I hope you all like this one, too
1. Yami's Greeting

Title: YGO Answering Machine Chaos II (The Yami Version)

Genre: Humor

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

Summary: THIS time, it is the YAMIS that record the outgoing greetings on the answering

machines! Oh, no! Those poor callers! XD

* * *

Chapter One: Yami's Version

* * *

"Yuugi! You may want to check the outgoing greeting on this answering machine" said Grandpa. 

"Why?" asked Yuugi.

"Because…I taught Yami how to work the answering machine. "

Yuugi froze in place.

"You…WHAT?! Grandpa, Yami can barely work the _remote_. "

"Now, Yuugi. Give him _some_ credit. He left an outgoing message ALL BY HIMSELF! Just show Yami that you have faith in him and that he is capable of catching on, OK?!"

"Okay, Gramps. I will!" With that, Yuugi leaves to go check the answering machine.

Yuugi pressed 'play' on the machine. This is what he heard being played for all people to hear:

* * *

(BEEP) 

**_"You have reached the Kame Game Shop as well as the Mutou Residence. I am Yami, the household Pharaoh. No one is here to pick up this telephone device at this time. So, leave your message that you wish to leave at the tone. If I deemed it worthy of a return phone call, then you shall get one. Otherwise, do yourselves a grat, Shadow Realm-saving favor and just hang up already. I now have outgoing messages for the following people:_**

**_If you are Seto Kaiba…YOU LOST EVERY DUEL WE HAD , SO JUST SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT ALREADY!_**

**_IF you are Seth…please see that Kaiba gets this message. Use the Rod if you must!_**

**_If you are Mokuba…Yuugi invites you to come over for a sleepover. When Yuugi calls back he will give you more information on that._**

**_If you are Ryou Bakura…Yuugi wants you to come over and spend the night as well . Gramps said it was OK with him._**

**_If you are that baka Tomb Robber…I OUGHT TO "MWAHAHAHAHA" YOUR ASS STRAIGHT TO HELL! GET A FUCKING LIFE AND STEAL SOMETHING YOU CAN ACTUALLY USE…LIKE INTELLIGENCE!_**

**_If you are Malik Ishtar….Yuugi said you are also invited to attend this sleepover that Yuugi is hosting._**

**_If you are Malik's psycho…I SENT A PICTURE OF YOU TO SUPERCUTS. THEY SAID THEY WOULD CUT THAT MOSTROSITY YOU DARE CALL HAIR, BUT THEY DO NOT HAVE THE PROPER INSURANCE TO COVER THEM IN THE EVENT THAT YOU HAIR MIGHT STAB THEM WHILE CUTTING, SO I GUESS YOU'RE UP SHIT CREEK, HUH?_**

**_If you are Joey, Odion, Tristan, and/or Duke…You are invited to sleep over as well._**

**_If you are Shadi….You may also attend the sleepover._**

**_Anyone else: LEAVE A MESSAGE OF JUST HANG THE HELL UP!

* * *

_**

(BEEP)

Yuugi: (OO) Oh, dear God!

* * *

_**Message from Yami:**_

"AIBOU! I did it. I recorded a greeting on the answering machine for the first time ever! I'm gonna go out and celebrate this occasion! I will talk to you later, Yuugi! (BEEP!)

Yuugi: Well, I guess that isn't a bad message. (A/N: Just keep listening, Yuugi. They are bound to get worse from there, I am afraid. MWAHAHAHA!)

* * *

**_Message from Bakura:_**

"YAMI! YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE ON THIS 'ASS-SWEARING' DEVICE! YOU SHALL PAY. MWAHAHAHAHA!"

(Ryou enters in the background)

"BAKURA! YOU ASS! I TOLD YOU TO STOP THE CRAPPY MESSAGES! IT IS CALLED AN 'ANSWERING MACHINE', NOT 'ASS-SWAERING' MACHINE! YOU KNOW WHAT?! JUST STAY YOUR ASS OFF THE PHONE! (Bakura mutters curses and leaves) "Yami-sama, my apologies for Bakura. Honestly, it is like talking to a two-year-old. Oh, tell Yuugi I will be there at 6:00 p.m., but I am afraid that Bakura has to go with me. I can't leave him in this house-or anywhere, for that matter-alone. I do NOT want to see the police again anytime soon. Please, Yami, if you have _anything _in your home that is valued over $5.00 or _anything_ that Bakura can easily sell off or pawn, **_HIDE IT IN THE BASEMENT , THE SHADOW REALM OR AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE! _**So, we'll be there around 6:00, OK? Bye! (BEEP!)

Yuugi: (OO) BAKURA…coming HERE?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

* * *

_**Message from Marik:**_

"I **_KNOW_** YOU ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT _**MY**_ HAIR! HAVE YOU LOOKED AT _**YOURS AND YUUGI'S**_?! YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE A PAINT FACTORY BLEW UP IN IT…EITHER THAT OR IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE SET OFF FIRECRACKERS IN YOUR HAIR. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

(Enters Malik)

"MARIK! I TOLD YOU DO NOT GET ON THAT PHONE UNLESS I WAS IN THE ROOM WITH YOU, YOU BAKA!"

"But Yami was making fun of my hair, Hikari-pretty."

"GOOD! MAYBE NOW YOU WILL CUT THE SHIT FOR ONCE! NOW GO TO THE BARBER…IF YOU DON'T GIVE THEM A HEART ATTACK WITH THAT HAIR OF YOURS!"

(Marik stalks off)

"Yami, sorry about that, man. Tell Yuugi that I will be there for the sleepover. However, Marik must come along as well. Ishizu said there was no way in hell he was staying with her and Shadi. So, we'll be there around…oh, 5:00. Bye! (BEEP!)

Yuugi: (OO) Bakura being here is bad enough, but Marik, too?! ARMAGEDDON APPROACHES!

* * *

**_Message from Shadi:_**

"Pharaoh, I would be honored to attend the festivities, but I am afraid Ishizu and I have plans. It is our anniversary and I wish to show her a great time. That was the reason that she refused to have Marik here while Malik was at your place. Oh, well, he is _**YOUR**_ headache for the night. May Ra be with you, my Pharaoh." (BEEP!)

Yuugi: Now THAT was scary.

* * *

**_Message from Seth:_**

"My King…Mokuba shall be there for the sleepover. We are grateful for this. Now, Seto and I can spend some time alone."

(Mokuba enters)

"YAMI! TELL YUUGI I WILL BE THERE WITH BELLS ON! I GOT A SIUTCASE PACKED WITH CLOTHES, GAMES, AND **_SUGAR-LOADED _****_CANDY_**!"

(Seth pales after hearing this)

"On the other hand, it would seem that our plans have changed. Seto and I shall attend as well."

(Seto enters as Mokuba leaves)

"Attend what, Seth?"

"The sleepover at the Pharaoh's."

"No."

"Seto-"

"NO!"

"Mokuba will be there with bags of candy. Need I remind you what happened the LAST time he was sugar high? You still are out of $15 million!"

(Seto sighs a sigh of defeat)

"Fine. Let me pack an overnight bag for us and we'll take the limo. Tell Yuugi we shall be there at 7:00."

"Thanks, love. Did you hear that, my king? We shall be there at 7 o'clock-HEY!"

(Seto gets the phone from Seth)

YAMI! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME ON THAT MACHINE, DAMN YOU! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I WILL KILL YOU AGAIN AND DAMNYOU WRETCHED CARCASS TO BE ROTISSERIED IN HELL, YOU ARROGANT-ASS SON OF A BITCH!!" (BEEP!)

Yuugi: ((OO)) Oh, great. MORE insane people coming over!

* * *

**_Message from Joey:_**

Hey, Yuug'. Joey 'ere. Ya, I'm comin'. I already called Tristan and Duke. They will be there too, as will Odion. Gotta go, buddy. See ya at 7:00! Later. (BEEP!-BEEP!-BEEP!)

* * *

--END OF MESSAGES—

* * *

Well, what do you think? 

The next one doing a greeting for the answering machine is…BAKURA!

Please R/R!

Thanks!


	2. Bakura's Greeting

Title: YGO Answering Machine Chaos II-THE YAMIS HAVE THEM, NOW!

Genre: Humor

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

THANKS AGAIN TO MY FAITHFUL REVIEWERS!

* * *

Chapter Two: Bakura's Version

"Ryou! I have an announcement to make. I did a good deed for you this day!", said Bakura as he walked into the kitchen. Ryou was there making lemonade.

"Oh. Really? I wonder what you have done for me, "Kura." asked Ryou.

"I changed the outgoing greeting on your answering machine. I think you will be quite surprised." smirked Bakura.

Ryou almost dropped his glass of lemonade at this. "You didn't have to, Bakura. _Really, dear, you didn't._ Do I even _want_ to know what you put on it?"

"I think you should, Ryou. I did a great message. I hope that you like it. Go listen to it, PLEASE!" begged Bakura. (A/N: Wait a minute...Bakura…_begging_?! RUN!)

"Fine. I will!" Ryou went into the living room where the machine was.

Ryou also noticed that Bakura was there in the living room with him. The answering machine indicated that there were messages waiting to be heard. Ryou pressed 'play' on the machine. The following message would make Ryou keep Bakura AWAY from it for now on::

(BEEP)

_**"This is the residence of Beauty and the Thief, also known as Ryou and Bakura. This is your friendly, neighborhood Tomb Robber speaking. As you can see, we are not here at the moment. Either Ryou is reading a book somewhere or I am just out doing my daily pillage routine. So, at the sound of the beep, please leave your name, home and business addresses, phone numbers, serial numbers, certification numbers, Identification or drivers license numbers, Social Security Numbers, dates of birth, VIN numbers, Account numbers, types of jewelry and appliances. I shall rob you…er, ring you if my schedule permits. If I do not return said call, it can only mean one of two things: (1) you don't have shit for me to steal or your goods on my list ain't worth shit; or (2) I am in jail for stealing something that I can easily pawn later on. Oh, by the way, I do have the following personal outgoing messages:**_

_**-If you are that Pharaoh no baka, Yami: I WILL STEAL THAT PUZZLE AND I WILL ADD IT TO THE COLLECTION OF THE OTHER MILLENNIUM ITEMS THAT I WILL STEAL AT A LATER DATE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

_**-If you are that shrimp, Yuugi: Make sure that Yami gets that message, if you can actually comprehend any of that, you vertically-challenged Pharaoh-wannabe!**_

_**-If you are Ryou: Please find your cell phone missing, or rather, destroyed. I guess cell phones and toaster ovens were not meant for each other, ne?**_

_**-If you are Malik: You left your diary over here. I didn't know that your hair was dyed and that you had false teeth. I also read that you sleep with a BEWD plushie at night; you also cried when Pee-Wee Herman was off the air; and I definitely didn't know you wear Kaiba's boxers to bed. Oops…what I not suppose to repeat that? Oh, well.**_

_**-If you are Marik: Thanks for bringing Malik's diary here and for putting in all that stuff in it. Now, see if you can do that to the Pharaoh as well!**_

_**-If you are Shadi: I WANT YOUR MILLENNIUM KEY AND YOUR LEXUS.**_

_**-If you are Ishizu: Can I ask you a personal question? Is Shadi not man enough for you? IF not, you can give ME a try! I promise I will not bite…much. Call with your answer.**_

_**-If you are that High Priest, Seth: I WANT THE DAMNED ROD! I WANT TI! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! Do you hear me?!**_

_**Finally...**_

_**- If you are that whipped-ass CEO, Kaiba: I know that you leave for Kaiba Corp. at 5:30 every morning and your lover and brother go with you. I also know that you have over $5,000,000 worth of cash, gold bullion, silver coins, appliances and electronics there. I will be camped out in front of your house to reap the benefits of my hard labor, as it were. I have yet to tell you when, but then again…I WONT! MWAHAHAHAHA!**_

_**To you other losers, FUCK OFF!" (beep!)"**_

Ryou stared at the machine in horror and at Bakura in indignation. He decided to listen to the responses before he kicks Bakura's ass.

* * *

**_Message from Yami:_**

" BAKURAAAAAAAA! YOU MADE YUUGI CRY WITH THAT ASININE SHIT YOU DARE CALL A GREETING! I WILL BE OVER THERE TO KICK TYOUR ASS FOR THIS. ALSO, IF YOU TOUCH MY PUZZLE, I WILL CHOKE YOUR ASS WITH THAT MILLENNIUM RING!( beep!)

Bakura muttered, "Baka Yami!"

Ryou yelled, "YOU STARTED THIS, BAKURA! SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO THESE MESSAGES!"

Bakura shook hishead. "No."

Ryou countered with, "NO SEX FOR A WEEK THEN, BAKURA!"

Bakura caved in. "OK! OK! Damn!"

* * *

**_Message from Malik_**: 

"Bakura, you asshole! I will kill you for doing this to me and I will kill that Marik for plotting this shit! GIVE ME MY DIARY BACK!!"

(Marik enters and grabs the phone)

"Bakura! Why did you do that? It was just a prank on Malik. YOU SHALL DIE!"

Malik yelled, "MARIK! YOU DAMNED WHACK-JOB! GO OVER THERE AND GET MY DIARY NOW!!

"Yeah, yeah" muttered Mrik as he walked out the room (BEEP!)

* * *

Ryou shook his head at Bakura. "That was terrible. Why did you and Marik do this to him?"

Bakura shrugged his shoulders and said, "We were bored."

Ryou whacks Bakura. "YOU BASTARD!"

* * *

**_Message from Ishizu_**

"Bakura, I am not, I never had been, and I will never be interested in you, you beast. My only love is Shadi and I can foretell your future without the Millennium Necklace. I see a good ass-beating in your future if you do not leave me alone!" (BEEP!)

* * *

Ryou was about to faint. "Now that…was frightening."

Bakura snorted. "Yeah, yeah…she's all talk".

* * *

**_Message from Shadi_**

"Bakura, I am a peaceful man usually, but if you EVER try to hit on my beloved again, I will give you my Millennuim Key…UP YOUR ALBINO ASS! No offense, Ryou. (BEEP!)

* * *

Ryou was laughing his head off. "None taken, Shadi."

Bakura was mad. "WHAT?! WHY YOU-"

Ryou slapped his hands. "YOU DESERVED IT AND MORE! YOU WILL GET ENOUGH OF MESSING WITH PEOPLE!"

* * *

_**Message from Seth**_

"You thief…never shall my Rod be in your greedy possession. I do hope you know that Seto will give you something…A RESTRAINING ORDER! (BEEP!)

* * *

Ryou was scared. "Oh-oh. Bakura, you're is in deep shit now."

Bakura snorted again. "What will a sheet of paper do? I can make a paper airplane out of that."

* * *

There was a knock on their door. Bakura went to answer it, thinking it was Marik. On the other side of the door was…SETO KAIBA! 

Ryou runs out of the room.

Bakura greeted Kaiba with, "What is it, you whipped CEO?"

Seto is silent. He pulls out a gun and...shot Bakura in both knees.

Bakura was yelling and falling to the ground, "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Seto replied, "There is your _restraining order_. You can't go anywhere with ruined knees. If you happen to do so and I catch you anywhere NEAR my house or office…I WILL DROWN YOU IN THE LAKE OF FIRE LIKE THE DEVIL YOU ARE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Seto leaves the house and Ryou takes Bakura to the Hospital

Lesson learned: DO NOT MESS WITH SETO'S MONEY, BROTHER OR LOVER!

* * *

--END OF MESSAGES— 

Well, what do you think?

The next one up for doing a greeting for the answering machine is…MARIK!

Please R/R!

Thanks!


	3. Marik's Greeting

Title: YGO Answering Machine Chaos II-THE YAMIS HAVE THEM, NOW!

Genre: Humor

Authoress: The Female Pharaoh

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

THANK YOU AGAIN, MY FAITHFUL REVIEWERS!

* * *

Chapter Two: Marik's Version 

"Oh. Hikari-pretty!", Marik sing-songed. "I had done a wonderful thing for you, my love!"

"You're gonna behave from now on?", asked Malik.

"I said _good_, not _an act of Ra_", complained Marik as he walked in on Malik in the living room watching television.

"Well, it was worth a shot" Malik answered as he turned off the TV. "Now, what is this good thing that you have done for me…or do I even want to know?"

"YES, YOU WANNA KNOW!" Marik yelled

"What is it" asked a nervous Malik.

"I finally mastered the telephone-answering thingy. I made a fresh recording on it. Aren't you proud of me, Hikari-pretty?" Marik said proudly.

Malik paled at hearing this. "**_ARE YOU INSANE_**?! No, don't answer that…at least not yet. Let me hear it." Malik was praying to every god he remembered that Marik won't cause him to be beat up, killed or sued.

Marik went to the phone and pressed the play button for the answering machine. Here is his 'message':

* * *

"Greetings, mortals. This is the dwelling place of Marik and Hikari-pretty. (Malik turned crimson) As you can see, we are not present at this particular time. If you value your lives, you will leave a specific message when the beep sound comes. If I decide that your message is actually worthy of my time and has my attention, then I shall surely return the favor and call you. Other wise, just hang up already. NOW, with that said, I would like to address the following people in this message: 

**_PHARAOH_**: _You suck…pure and simple. Then again, maybe THAT is the one thing you're good at!_

_**PHARAOH'S IMP**_: _Like yami, like hikari. You suck as well. Maybe not as bad as that baka Pharaoh, but you suck nonetheless. Can you actually duel without your precious Yami, or is that asking too much? I guess it is. Grow the fuck up and duel for yourself. Oh, I am sorry...YOU CAN'T GROW ANYMORE! MWAHAHAHAHA!_

**_TOMB ROBBER_**: _We simply must get together sometime this week to discuss world domination. You can even be the vice-president, seeing that you are good at ass-kisising. Hell, YOU ALREADY KISS RYOU'S._

**_TOMB ROBBER'S WHIMP_**: _I suppose that you can become part of our organization. We will need a spare male whore to screw just in case Malik fails to do so._

(Malik was pissed and hits Marik)

**_HIKARI-PRETTY_**: _I was only kidding about you failing to satisfy me, but we seriously need Ryou as a spare, so to speak. You wouldn't be interested in a threesome, would you?_

Malik: BASTARD! (hits Marik with a vase)

**_PRIESTESS_**: _Whoever said you were cute LIED! Shadi is just dating you because he BORES EVERY OTHER WOMAN TO TEARS!_

**_MILLENNIUM ITEM GUARDIAN_**: _The only reason Ishizu dates you is because NO OTHER MAN WANTS TO LISTEN TO HER HOKEY FAIRY TALES CALLED FORTUNE-TELLING_!

**_PRIEST_**: _The only thing getting any action is your Millennium Rod…SEEING THAT YOU'RE NOT! MWAHAHAHAHA!_

_**PRIEST'S MALE SLUT**_: _I will have your company issue weapons of mass destruction so I can use them on Yami. I will be by there to collect the goods. You have no choice. If you fail to do so, I WILL SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM! So, choose wisely!_

**_THE REST OF YOU FILTH_**: (BEEP!)

* * *

Malik whacks Marik. "YOU BAKA! ERASE THIS SHIT! " 

Marik shook his head, saying, "But Hikari-pretty! We have responses already. Observe."

* * *

**_Message from Yami:_**

**"YOU TWISTED BASTARD! YOU MADE YUUGI CRY JUST LIKE THAT IDIOT, BAKURA. YOU WILL PAY! MARK MY WORDS!**" ( beep!)

* * *

Malik kicked Marik. "You IDIOT! Leave Yuugi alone!"

Marik whined. "OW! DID YOU HAVE TO KICK SO HARD?!"

Malik smiled. "Yes, although I can always do it again!"

Marik stuck out his tongue at him. "Meanie!"

Malik retorted, "Oh, cry me a freaking river!"

* * *

**_Message from Ryou_**: 

"SPARE...MALE..._**WHORE**_?!" (runs off and cries in the background)

(Bakura enters and gets the phone)

**"YOU RA-DAMNED PSYCHO! DO NOT CALL RYOU THAT FOUL NAME EVER AGAIN! YOU WILL _SO_ PAY FOR THIS!"** (BEEP!)

* * *

Malik asked, "I wonder what will they do you."

Bakura said, "Simple...nothing."

Malik whacks Marik. "YOU ASS! YOU SO DESERVE WHATEVER THEY DO TO YOU!"

* * *

_**Message from Ishizu:**_

"**MARIK! I AM NOT BORING! SHADI LOVES ME! I WILL SHOW YOU BORING..BY KICKING YOUR PSYCHOTIC ASS!**!" (BEEP!)

* * *

Malik slapped Marik's face. "You are going too far with this. THAT WAS MY SISTER YOU INSULTED!"

Bakura snorted out, "Whatever."

* * *

**_Message from Shadi:_**

"Marik, there are not enough words in ANY language to describe how pathetic you are! I will deal with you in ways **YOU DO NOT WISH FOR ME TO**!" (BEEP!)

* * *

Malik was staring at Marik with deer-caught-in the headlights eyes. "You gonna get it NOW, sucka!"

Marik laughed his ass off. "WHAT could he possible do to ME…sell me Girl Scout Cookies?!"

Malik sighed and shook his head. "You...are...a...**_complete ASS!"_**

* * *

_****_

_**Message from Seth:**_

"Why you whacked-out ass sinof a bitch! You unbalanced bastard! **HOW DARE YOU**?! You will **PAY**!"

(Seto walk in)

"Is that Marik?"

Seth: Well, it the answering machine anyway.

(Seto gets the phone)

"**YOU FUCKING PRICK! I will show you, before nightfall, how much I appreciate you little so-called 'greeting'**. (BEEP!)

* * *

Malik just statred at Marik. "You're in for it NOW, Marik."

Marik laughed again. "What can he do…beat me in Duel monsters?! Please, he can't even beat that baka Pharaoh."

* * *

Around 8:30 p.m. there was a knock upon the Ishtars' door. Malik went to answer it, and what was on the other side scare him shitless:

**Yami, Bakura, Shadi, Ishizu, and Seth with the Sennen Eye glowing on their foreheads and their Millennium Items glowing as well**.

Malik sing-songed, "OH, MARIK! IT'S FOR YOU!" and with that, Malik runs out of the room.

Marik enters. "WHAT DO YOU LOSERS WANT?!"

Yami spoke first. "You will PAY for insulting Yuugi and me."

Bakura was next, "Normally, I do not agree with the Pharaoh, but HOW DARE YOU?!"

Then Shadi, "You will pay for your transgressions against us, you bastard!"

Ishizu expressed her discontent next. "You have disrespected us BOTH!"

Seth was the last to speak. " NOW…we banish you…TO THE SHADOW REALM!"

Marik disappears screaming.

Malik comes back in " WAIT! How long will he stay there?"

Yami looked to the others. "Until morning?"

Everyone else shakes their heads.

Bakura suggested, "A week, perhaps?"

This time, theothers nodded.

Malik was relieved. "**COOL! I COULD _SO_ USE A VACATION FORM HIM! THANKS AGAIN!"**

With that, Malik west to bed as the others left.

* * *

--END OF MESSAGES—

* * *

Well, what do you think? 

The next one up for doing a greeting for the answering machine is…SHADI!

Any suggestions or requests?

Please R/R!

Thanks!


	4. Shadi's Greeting

Title: YGO ANSWERING MACHINE CHAOS II (The Yami Version)

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating; T

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR: SHADI'S GREETING**

* * *

"Ishizu" called Shadi.

"Yes, love?" asked Ishizu, watching television.

"i have done you the most wonderful favor" said a beaming Shadi, sitting next to her.

"OH, THANK RA! YOU GOT A JOB!" shouted Ishizu. Shandi looked embarrassed.

"That was indeed very hurtful. I told you I am dtill looking for one" said Shadi. Ishizu felt bad.

"My apologies, love. What is this favor you did?"

"I personally recorded a greeting for the answering machine this morning while you were out" said Shadi.

"You...did?" asked a wary Ishizu. Shadi nodded happily.

"Well, let's go listen to it" said Ishizu. Shadi stopped her.

"Wait. Are you not going to use your necklace?" asked Shadi. Ishizu shook her head.

"I think I prefer the element of surprise" With that said, she pressed the play button.

* * *

_**"Greetings, callers This is the residence of Shadi and Ishizu. We are unavailable to talk to you at this point in time. Please leave a name, number and message, and we shall get back to you as soon as possible. With that being said, I would like to address the following people:**_

_**MY PHARAOH...There is a murder case that needs to be solved by you. Someone was murdered on your CSI show and we need to see your Sennen Puzzle. I feel that Shadow magic may be just the thing to bring the culprits to justice.**_

_**MY PHARAOH'S LOVE...I did some investigative work and I came across some perfume on the Pharaoh's shirt that is not yours. I feel that he may be cheating on you with Miss Tea in some form. I will call with more details as they become available.**_

_**TOMB ROBBER...I solved the case of the missing porno you called about. It would seem that Ryou had destroyed them, but I wasn;t supposed to say anything to you...aw DAMN IT!**_

_**TOMB ROBBER'S LOVE...Oops.**_

_**TOMB KEEPER...I solved the case of your missing dog food. It seems that Marik used it to make hamburgers for the barbeque last Saturday at the retirement home.**_

_**TOMB KEEPER'S LOVE...I would advise you to go to the Shadow Realm ASAP after hearing this.**_

_**PRIEST'S LOVE...i solved the case of your off-tasting lemonade. It seems that Seto was pissed at you for some reason, and decided to rectify the situation by giving you his verion of lemonade...which comprised of Sugar, Honey, Summer's Eve Douche and Lemon Juice.**_

_**PRIEST...RUN!**_

_**Please have a nice day. (BEEP!)**

* * *

_

Ishizu looked at Shadi in horror. "OH...MY...RA!"

Shadi looked confused? "Do you not like it?"

"I will not dignify that with a response" Ishizu said. Then she saw that they had messages.

"Oh. well...let's get this over with" Ishizu said as she pressed the button.

* * *

**_MESSAGE 1 (From Yami and Yuugi)_**

Yami was begging. "Yuugi, please, let me explain!"

Yuugi was crying. "WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YAMI, HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! WHY WERE YOU WITH TEA?!"

Yami begged on. "Yuugi, please, Aibou! It's not what you think. Tea sprayed perfume all over me at the mall."

Yuugi had enough. "YEAH RIGHT, YOU BASTARD! GET OUT!"

Yami was heartbroken. "Where would I go, Yuugi?"

Yuugi threw a fit. "GO LIVE ON THAT DAMNED C.S.I. SET FOR ALL I CARE! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Tea entered the house in the middle of all this. "Yuugi! What happened?"

Yuugi shoved Tea. "GET OUT, YOU BITCH! YOU SLEPT WITH YAMI!"

Tea was confused. "WHAT?!"

Yuugi shouted again. "HOW DID YAMI GET YOUR PERFUME ALL OVER HIS SHIRT?!"

Tea shouted to try to get Yuugi to see reason. "YUUGI! I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT, I ACCIDENTIALLY SPRAYED PERFUME OVER YAMI'S SHIRT. I WANTED HIS OPINION ON THE SCENT BEFORE I BOUGHT IT TO WEAR ON MY DATE WITH GREG TONIGHT!"

Yuugi calmed down. "Huh?"

Yami walked over to Yuugi and said softly. "That was what I was trying to tell you, Yuugi."

Tea was annoyed. "Yuugi, you owe Yami an apology for falsely accusing him like that."

Yami didn't want to distub the peace that i snow in the house. "Enough, Tea..."

Yuugi sighed sadly, "No, Yami, She's right, I am so sorry. When I heard that message from Shadi, I jumped to the wrong conclusions. Please forgive me."

Yami hugged and kissed Yuugi. "There is nothing to forgive, love. Anyone can make a mistake. Now, I will be right back."

Yuugi was confused. "Where are you going?"

Yami had deathin his eyes and the Eye of Horus on hid forehead. "To deal with Shadi!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Ishizu was scared. "I think you had better leave. The Pharaoh is quite upset."

Shadi was not leaving. "In a minute, love. Let's hear more."

* * *

**_MESSAGE #2 (From Ryou and Bakura)_**

Ryou shouted. "SHADI! How could you tell him?! I didn't want that filth back in the house EVER!"

Bakura walked in with copies of the porn Ryou destroyed. " Thanks, Shadi. Now I know I can enjoy myself again."

Ryou was shocked. "Bakura! Those tapes are inappropriate."

Bakura countered, "They're educational."

Ryou snorted. "Yeah, right. You were trying to show those to second graders last week!"

Bakura was thinking up a lie. "Uh, I got it for Sex Ed Class?"

Ryou hit Bakura. "SHUT UP!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Ishizu was shocked speechless. "You..never mind. Continue with the messages."

* * *

**_MESSAGE #3 (From Malik and Marik)_**

Malik was mad. "Shadi, thank you for your imformation you provided. I will deal with Marik for this."

Marik looked up from watching TV. "For what, Hikari-pretty?"

Malik now was pissed. "**_YOU SICKO! HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU SERVE DOG FOOD AS HAMBURGER MEAT TO THE RESIDENT OF THE RETIREMENT HOME?!"_**

Marik whined. "But, Hikari-pretty, they're dying anyway, so what is the difference?"

Malik gets out a bat. " I'll show you the difference, you baka!"

Marik ran out the room screaming, "YAAAAAAHHHH!"

Malik shouted, "Get back here, you psycho!"

Marik countered, "NEVER!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Ishizu felt sick. "THAT was gross!"

Shadi was just as nauseous. "Indeed."

* * *

**__**

**_MESSAGE #4 (From Seto and Seth)_**

Seto was shocked, disgusted and sick all at once. "Oh..my...GOD!" Seto was throwing up in the trash can next to him. "I WILL _**KILL**_ SETH!"

Seth waswalking in. " Kill me for what?"

Seto was pissed adn homicidal. "**_FOR MAKING ME DRINK THAT FOUL CONCOCTION OF LEMON JUICE, HONEY, SUGAR AND DOUHCE, YOU SICK FUCK!"_**

Seth finally remembered. "Oh. I kind of forgot about that prank. E-heh-heh."

Seto got out the Sennen Rod. "Here, Seth let me show you how much I appreciate that little stunt."

Seth ran out the room. "Seto...NO!"

Seto unseathed the dagger that was hidden inside. "GET BACK HERE YOU SICK ASS BASTARD!"

(BEEP!)

END OF MESSAGES

* * *

Whatcha think, guys? 

The next one is SETH.

Please review!

Thanks!


	5. Seth's Greeting

Title: YGO ANSWERING MACHINE CHAOS II (The Yami Version)

Authoress: TheFemalePharaoh

Rating; T

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR: SETH'S GREETING**

* * *

Seto and Seth were sleeping in bed one Saturday morning, until they heard... 

"Oh, Seto!" sing-songed Mokuba.

Seto groaned and Seth did likewise.

"SETO! WAKE UP!" shouted Mokuba, running into the bedroom.

Seth sleepily looked at Seto, who was now awake, thanks to Mokie's yelling.

"Seto, love, did you give your brother that white substance again? I thought we discussed this" said Seth.

Seto's eyes were dinner-plate wide and Mokuba's were just plain confused.

"Seth! Please say 'sugar' and not 'that white substance'! You make it sound like I gave my brother drugs!" said Seto.

Mokuba, on the other hand, just laughed his head off.

"Ow! Did you have to yell? I do have a headache from drinking last night" groaned Seth, holding his head.

Seto sighed. "Seth, that would be called a hangover, and you get those when you drink too much alcohol."

Mokuba was curious. "Seth, were you drunk last night?"

Seth looked at him. "I suppose so, young one."

"Do you remember anything you did last night?" asked Mokuba Seth shook his head.

Mokuba them turned to Seto. "Big brother, I suggest you check your answering machine." Seto looked confused.

"Why, Mokuba? Is it broken? If that's the case, I can always have it either repaired or replaced."

Mokuba just grinned. "I'm afraid you can't repair or replace your dignity just as easily, Seto."

Seto was really confused now. "Why do you say that?"

"Seth changed your outgoing message. I am afraid that your reputation, especially at school, has went straight to the crapper" laughed Mokuba.

Seth was confused, "I did?"

Seto looked at Seth in shock. "YOU WHAT?!"

Seto jumped out of bed, dressed in boxers, and ran into the living room. Seth got out of bed as well, but he put on his robe, took Seto's, and ran after hi, Mokie followed.

"Seto, here, cover your shame!" called Seth, making his headache worse. Seto grabbed thie robe and put it on, while running to the telephone.

The following message made Seth wanna run for dear life, made Seto wanna choke Seth to death, and made Mokuba think of new balckmail material:

(BEEP!)

_**"Hey, everybody! I'm Seto Kaiba and I have a dragon fetish (hic) and I sound like that guy,Brock, from Pokemon! (laugh) I can't come to the phone right now because I'm, uh... oh yeah, I'm doing blowjobs right now.(laugh). If you wanna be next (hic) please leave your name, your address, your phone number, and the size of your manhood at the beep, and I will gladly accomodate you (insane laugh) So, get off the phone now, so you will have the needed energy to 'get off' later (hic) BYEEEEEE!"**_

(BEEP!)

Seto looked at a horrorfied Seth with a tomamto-red face of embarrassment and anger. "SETH!!"

Seth looked on the floor. "Holy Ra! Did I do that?"

"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK?!" Seto shouted.

"Look, Seto, you have messages" laughed Mokuba. Seto sighed loudly.

"Damn, could this morning get any worse?"

Seto pressed the button to play the messages.

* * *

**_MESSAGE 1 (From Yami and Yuugi_**) 

Yami was beside himself with laughter. "BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yuugi chided. "YAMI! Stop that. That is not funny!"

Yami disagreed. "Ha, like hell it isn't!"

Yuugi chided again. "Yami, you do realize that this is NOT Kaiba, but Seth, talking!"

Yami snorted, "Oh, please, Yuugi! Seth has too much dignity to do this, unlike his counterpart."

Yuugi digressed. "Even so, Yami, you do realize that Kaiba will beat you if he found out you were making fun of him."

Yami snorted again. "Oh, please, Yuugi. He can't even beat me at _dueling_!"

Yuugi signed. "Fine, but still..."

Yami walked to the door. "Well, let's go, Yuugi!"

Yuugi was confused "Go? Go where and for what?"

Yami leered. "Let's go get a tape measure so we can give Kaiba what he wants...if you get my meaning." Yami then ran up the stairs.

Yuugi shouted before hanging up, "YAMI! GET BACK HERE!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Seto was livid. "Seth, I will KILL you...when I am done with Yami." 

Seth pouted. "I said I was sorry, Seto."

Seto shouted, "SORRY ISN'T GONNA ERASE THIS SHIT, YOU JACKASS!"

* * *

**_MESSAGE #2 (From Ryou and Bakura)_**

Ryou was flustered. "Well, Seto-kun, that was, um...interesting to know."

Bakura was in the background in stiches. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is just TOO rich!"

Ryou, like Yuugi before, chided, "Bakura! Seto-kun obviously was drunk when he did this. Either that or Seth-sama did it!"

Bakura snorted, "SO? Either way, THAT WAS FUNNY AS HELL!"

Ryou fumed. "Bakura...stop making fun of Seto-kun!"

Bakura challenged, "Heh, and if I don't?"

Ryou shouted, "COUCH!"

Bakura shouted, "Oh COME ON, RYOU!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Mokuba sighed, "Well, Bakura is in trouble. Continue with the messages." 

Seto stared at Mokuba as if he grew three heads. "Are you insane?!"

Mokuba was about to counter with, "Are you giving blow-" when Seth covers his mouth.

"Mokie, he'a already pissed. Don't make it worse" Seth whispered to Mokuba, while saying alound to Seto, "Heh-heh, Just let the messages play."

* * *

**_MESSAGE #3 (From Malik and Marik)_**

Malik was shocked. "Oh, my Ra!"

Marik, meanwhile, was laughing his ass off. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, and just when I thought the priest wasn't getting any!"

Malik smacked Marik. "PERVERT!"

Marik countered, "But, Hikari-pretty, at least be happy for him."

Malik sighed and sook his head. "I will not even satisfy you with a response!"

Marik leered, "Well, is that because you satisfy me in the same ways Kaiba does everyone else?"

Malik turned beet-red as he whacked Marik with a vase. "MARIK! YOU ASS!"

Marik walked out, laughing like a loon. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Mokuba: I am gonna have nightmares for days. 

Seth: As would I, little one.

Seto: (to Seth) YOU CAUSED THIS, YOU BASTARD!

* * *

**_MESSAGE #4 (From Shadi and Ishizu)_**

Ishizu was speechless. "Oh, Ra!"

Shadi was the first to recover. " I do believe that we are to be happy that Kaiba is this, uh, free with this love."

Ishizu shook her head. "Not like that, love. This is a confession of Kaiba's infidelity. Seth would be hurt."

Shadi pondered. "Well, my detective agency is on the case."

Ishizu shook her head and sighed. "What case would this be...or do I even want to know?"

Shadi went all Perry Mason on her by saying. "The case of...the insatiable CEO! The media will have a field day, as one would say, with this!" With that, Shadi was running out the door.

Ishizu yelled, "SHADI, NO! YOU GET BACK HERE OR NO SEX FOR A MONTH!"

(BEEP!)

* * *

Mokuba was scared of the look on Seto's face. "Uh...BYE" With that, Mokie ran out the door. 

Seth saw the look of doom on Seto's face as well. "I just remembered...I gotta to...something I forgot! SEE YA!" Seth said as he ran up the stairs to bolt the bedroom door shut.

Seto grabbed the Senne Rod. "SETH, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

**_END OF MESSAGES _**

* * *

Whatcha think, guys? 

The next one is SHIMON.

Please review!

Thanks!


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